Scarlet Begonias

I never realized one of my favorite Sublime songs was actually originally a Grateful Dead song. Recently I've been more interested in Pink Floyd and the Doors and now the Grateful Dead for all there music that makes me have feels (am I a Dead Head yet???????)

"She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes.
And I knew without askin she was into the blues.
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls,
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

...

Well there aint nothing wrong with the way she moves,
Scarlet begonias or a touch of the blues.
And there's nothing wrong with the look that's in her eyes"

But this is more my hot-n-gritty 90's in Miami style:

"A tie-tie-dyed dress , she was a psychedelic mess
We toured to the north, south, east and west
We sold some mushroom tea,
We sold some ecstasy,
We sold nitrous, opium, acid, heroin and PCP
And now I hear the police coming after me
Yes now I hear the police coming after me
The one scarlet with the flowers in her hair,
She's got the police coming after me"

YEAH SUBLIME STAY KOOL 4EVR

Sometimes i get art

Georges de la Tour is my new idol. Ironic, seeing as he is a fanatically christian painter and I just broke the 3rd amendment by having an idol...other than God...yeah that was a joke.

The light is so BEAUTIFUL. Just look at how the face of the young'n is illuminated and such a contrast against an old man against a midnight background. And all that the light hits are just shapes, yet our eyes fill in the rest of the space and we basically make up the scene in our own heads, guessing where the two are and what they are doing. Look at the hand!! It's a ghostly hand that cups the light source from actual view, as if la Tour is holding back a secret from his audience. Wow.

My Grandpa, Popfly

     He's a strange fellow. When I was little I thought he was the most clever soul on earth. He would always use cryptic little sayings as if to catch his grandchildren in their own confused contradictions. He would speak in riddles, always leaving a trail for us to figure out. He used to be a mystery to me, but in a way that filled my child's-mind with wonder and admiration.
      A year and a half ago, my 70-year old Popfly was getting divorced from Grandma Jane. I only learned the truth that summer, something that my parents had tried to keep from my not-yet-jaded knowlege. He had cheated on Jane with a mysterious woman from Israel, and now he was going to live with her. He was not sorry, for he was a proud man. But I was not proud of him. I was almost more angry with the fact that he would never apologize for his stupidity than for the fact that he ruined many relationships other than his. I no longer can talk to Jane's side of the family without the strain of knowing that his shadow loomed from the back of my eyes and haunted them.
     He doesn't know all of my anger. He only thinks I will love him unconditionally, as my parents had relied on me to do. But love is a hard thing. Trying to find trust in a person who you thought you knew, only to have them fall from your carefully constructed pedestal, is something that takes strength. And right now, I can't seem to find that power in me, no matter where I have looked for the past one and a half years.

Brilliance

I should exist in graveyards more often.

light savings

my thigh is turning to butter
please, understand my
smile in the dark.
fuck society, i may say
jokingly-- but you know
where there is still
Grief in that sound
of hollow, chittering laughter.
i want to cry out and
glimpse into your own
longings.

Teenagedom Nostalgia

Watching all of these movies/T.V. shows in the same couple months turned me into a real teenager.

Dazed and Confused: Set in the seventies, different groups of teenagers get crossfaded on the first day of their junior and senior summer, as the freshmen get drunk for the first time. In the midst of all of this, everyone is trying to find some meaning in what is to become of what other call their "wasting" lives.

I love this movie a lot. It's so good for me because I can relate to the overall sense of groups of young people just not having any idea of where they are going or what they are doing in life, and coping with that big unknown. There's excitement, lust, boredom, fear. But the nice part about it is that the movie features groups of friends who go through this sense of meaninglessness together. It reminds me of the friends I have in real life, how I struggle with them to be myself and such.

My So-Called Life: Angela is a sophomore in the 90's who befriends the school BADASSES. These are the people who, as my friend would say, "don't give two shits about stupid-ass whales". She learns all sorts of teenage realities--ya know what I'm talking about. Also she she is beautiful and annoyingly pretends to be ugly and finds a dreamy man/boy.

This probably gets an 8 out of 10 on the chick-flick scale (1 being Jackass 3 and 10 being Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret), but there is still appreciation to be had for the way it accurately portrays the effect of the constant stench of suburbia that intoxicates high schoolers every day. You all have your little sheltered islands of home and school and maybe others, but what can a Junior do but to complain about their studying all the time? It's not like we can just pack up our bags and go hike the Appalachian Trail (or maybe that's a possibility, weather-permitting). But I feel like once I leave my small town and discover a BIG NEW WORLD I will look back on these years of teenage torture with loving sympathy for my foolish little 17-year old self.

Freaks and Geeks: Also from the 90's, a senior girl, Lindsay, tries to fit into a new stoner persona while also trying to fit in mathlete competitions while she's not getting high or going to parties with her new hip friends...yeah somehow that works. "OMG I'm so cool when I wear my dad's army jacket and James Franco is my best friend and sometimes Jason Segel is my boyfriend!!! Also when school gets out instead of going to a summit for genius kids I'm gonna rebel and go on a road trip in a hippie van with my new frendz to follow the Grateful Dead on their summer tour!" is what I think Lindsay is thinking.

My favorite moment in this short series is when Lindsay throws a party and her younger brother replaces all the kegs with non-alcoholic beer... It's so inspirational to throw my own non-beer party!! Wouldn't it be so hilarious to watch all the peeples stumble around while you have the secret satisfaction of knowing that they are all stone-cold sober? Definitely a social experiment.

A somewhat angry rant

Why is sexism cool? It would be shameful for anyone accused to be a racist, yet to be sexist is borderline encouraged, especially for teenage boys who feel the pressure of having to feel manly in front of others. Real men would make girls their bitches and hoes, they say.
I am mad because some of my guy friends like to suggest that its normal and expected for girls to regularly give blowjobs while its considered "disgusting" for guys to go down on girls. Double-standard much? Let me give you some other examples: guys pressure girls to swallow cum ("spitters are quitters"), yet somehow they forget that girls may find that the most unpleasant task in the world, and see it as a chore. Why should women have to feel that way, as if its always about pleasing a man?? Another example would be of women having to shave all the time for fear of being labeled "unclean" or "hippies", as if to not shave makes a girl dirty. So why aren't men considered dirty, and furthermore why are they encouraged to have more hair while women have to spend the time, effort and MONEY to please others. Its fine if one wants to shave, but its not fine when a girl feels the need to be hairless in order to not be considered 'dirty' or unclean. These atrocious double-standards make me so mad because sex is not something often talked about in 'civilized' society, so there is more of the traditional sexist views left in the dust of a supposedly modern and equal world. It's so not cool!!!!!! But I feel like I'm talking to an empty crowd.
Even while writing this I feel like I will be written off as a crazy, radical, butch/lesbian, overly-feminist, cat-lady bitch, but that's the point that makes me sad and mad. People should open their eyes to this overt gap between respect towards males and females, instead of blaming these kinds of rants for making ridiculous and uncomfortable arguements.

Okay, peace.