Today I finished my one week experience at a Japanese High School. I had spent time in past summers going to elementary school and middle school because my parents and grandparents wanted me to experience Japanese school life. However, as my speech in English became better and better than my Japanese, I started to lose confidence in my abilities to connect with the students around me. Especially in middle school, I was shy and I kept waiting and waiting for someone to talk to me. The scene was more like everyone would stare and whisper about me from a distance. That's why this time around, 2 years since the last time I visited Japan, I was dreading having to go to high school. I ended up complaining to my mother about how I was doing this for her, not myself, and now I regret saying that very much. I would much rather be able to bear the burden of doing something that I don't want to, instead of making my mother feel guilty because of my own struggles. I learned that when you do something, you feel so much better when you accept the situation as it is instead of blaming, complaining, or burdening by projecting your own insecurities on others.
By the way, my high school experience wasn't that bad.
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